


lost my heart to window panes

by fifty-one sunsets (idyleski)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-13 11:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20581796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idyleski/pseuds/fifty-one%20sunsets
Summary: "Urgh," Sicheng groans. "What's today's date?""June twenty-ninth. Would you like to explain why you just fell through a mysterious green vortex and landed in the middle of our apartment?" Yuta asks.Sicheng would love an explanation as to why he keeps getting transported to different worlds, times, pasts,whateveras much as Yuta would. Unfortunately for Yuta, and even more unfortunately for him, there isn't one so Sicheng is stuck living out the same set of shitty days leading up to Yuta's inevitable capture until he figures out why he's stuck in this time loop.





	lost my heart to window panes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wlwangji](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wlwangji/gifts).
  * Inspired by [generation why](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344087) by [doriangrays (orphan_account)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/doriangrays). 

> another year another ficmix!! to my dear recipient, you had such wonderful fics to choose from i had such a difficult time choosing just one to remix!! i can only hope i did your fic justice. to the mods, thank you for organizing this exchange and also granting me a much needed extension. claire, thank you for listening me whine about this to you almost every day and letting me bounce ideas off you and check over this TT__TT you really helped save my sanity. and reet as well, for listening to my grumbles and being the best super beta ever <333
> 
> title taken from lyrics to [slip away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lu7uE5vrB_Ul)by oh wonder

Like all superheroes, Dong Sicheng occasionally ponders all the events that led him up to this very moment. Was it the time he accidentally jumped a bit too high in high school gymnastics? Or maybe it was because he accidentally knocked over a cup of coffee onto Youngho’s favorite pair of pants that one time two years ago. It could even be because he decided to take a left instead of a right on his morning run today. Either way, who knows? All Sicheng knows right now is that he is getting beaten up, brutally. 

_”What’s wrong with you?”_ Youngho hisses through his earpiece. “_You usually aren’t like this._” 

“M’ fi–” Sicheng doesn’t get to finish his sentence before he gets yanked down, head slamming into the ground. He suppresses the long groan that follows. 

A tall, lithe figure looms over him. He sees a glint of silver. “Didn’t anyone tell you,” Tenlives sneers, “capes have been out of fashion for decades.”

_Yes_, Sicheng thinks as he pushes himself back up. Tenlives lunges without hesitation, claws reaching for his face. Sicheng grits his teeth as sharp pain shoots up through his arm instead. Capes have been out of fashion for years but Sicheng flies and they’re trying to create a better image for superheroes, the higher ups thought it’d be best if he wore a cape. _To bring back the old days, like the comic books. It inspires people._ Except Sicheng doesn’t really want to relive the old days except certain ones, and he doesn’t really feel like an inspiration right now, not when he’s getting torn to shreds and coughing up blood and–

_”WinWin!_” Taeyong exclaims. “_Asperitas is coming to back you up. You should try to pull out, you aren’t in the right mood._” 

“I can handle it.” Sicheng lunges for Tenlives, packing as much power into his fist as possible. He misses him by a hair’s width. 

Sicheng stumbles when his fist meets empty air. He has to reorient himself, get his balance as quickly as possible but he is oh so very tired. Panting, he turns around. Tenlives stands across from him, unmoving from once. There are chills running down Sicheng’s back and he doesn’t know why. Looking up towards the sky, he watches the clouds darken. Lightning crackles in the distance. 

_”I’ll be there in thirty seconds. Just hang on._” Youngho shouts. 

There is something wrong about the way the atmosphere is charged, wrong about the way Tenlives doesn’t go for him despite having the upper hand. It’s not until the new figure appears over the horizon does Sicheng’s blood turn cold. They know of every small villain–vigilante, whatever they like to call themselves– in the city and in the League. But this is someone new. 

“I would say I’m sorry but I’m really not.” Tenlives says, then he lunges. The last thing Sicheng sees is that unfamiliar figure looming over him, crackling with pure energy, before he promptly blacks out.

When Sicheng awakens it’s to an equally dark sky and gloomy clouds looming in the distant. His head screams at him and his lungs can’t seem to take in the oxygen surrounding him. At least his guts aren’t spilling out. Small mercies, he supposes.

It takes him an embarrassingly long time to successfully push himself off the ground, and when he does so he ends up stumbling a few steps straight into the alleyway ladder. There’s something warm and sticky dripping down his face and Sicheng sighs inwardly. He miraculously manages to stumble back into his apartment without a person seeing him (that would be quite the field day). Only when the door closes behind him does Sicheng allow himself to exhale, crumpling to the ground. The blood on him has long since dried to brown and black, cracked all over. It would be a nightmare if he were to bleed all over the carpet, again. The number of times Sicheng has secretly replaced their doormat has been–

“Sicheng?” A voice calls out.

Sicheng’s blood turns cold.

“Oh my god, you’re all covered in blood.” Yuta’s voice stops and Sicheng’s face is cupped between his warm, warm hands. Sicheng shuts his eyes, refusing to believe the face etched with worry in front of him actually exists right now. The way Yuta's thumbs rub small circles into his cheeks eases the soreness in his chest.

"Yuta," Sicheng croaks before his legs give out again.

It’s been over half a year Yuta has left Neo City for Elyxion, after Sicheng had begged Taeyong to give him a second chance despite being the one responsible for his capture. It’s been over half a year since Sicheng has last seen or spoken to Yuta but there hasn’t been a day he hasn’t thought of him.

"I'm right here. Oh god, we need to bring you to the hospital." Yuta says and Sicheng finds himself lying down on the couch. There's something warm and wet on his face and Sicheng doesn't want Yuta's hands to leave his cheek.

"No no hospital." He coughs. His entire body screams at him. Just breathing hurts, and even when he does manage to inhale, the air stings. It's like his body shouldn't be here.

"Is there someone I can call then? What about Mark?" Yuta demands. Sicheng manages to focus his vision enough to see the disapproving expression on his face. He shakes his head. Something in the back of his mind is telling him not to contact anyone else and Sicheng has always trusted his instincts. (Except once. He's regretted it ever since.)

Yuta looks him in the eye and Sicheng meets his gaze with equal determination. Pursing his lips, the other man lets out a long sigh. "You're either going to be the death of me or the death of yourself." Sicheng grins weakly. As far as dreams or hallucinations-before-death or whatever this is goes, it's not the worst Sicheng has had this past year.

The lack of antiseptic wakes Sicheng up along with the lack of white walls and bright lights. Instead, he wakes to a sliver of sunlight in his eyes in the darkness of his room and the smell of something burning. He pushes himself up, trying to scramble off the bed. He's knocked back down immediately by the sharp pain through his chest. He falls off his bed with a loud _thud_.

Sighing to himself, Sicheng closes his eyes.

"You good?" A familiar voice asks, pulling him back out.

Sicheng doesn't need to look up to see the large grin on that familiar face or the way his eyes crinkle. The sooner he wakes up from this dream-nightmare-whatever, the better.

"Not a dream, I'm afraid." Yuta laughs. And there it is, that big, wolfish grin that Sicheng hasn't seen in over six months, the same grin that haunts him when his apartment is too quiet and he closes his eyes for a moment too long. It's the grin that makes Sicheng's stomach twist in knots and secretly takes his breath away. It's brighter and more real than any memory he could ever conjure up.

"That's what they all say," he mutters. He allows Yuta to pull him up and stumbles into his embrace. Sicheng takes a deep breath and it's the first breath that feels comforting since he's woken up in this strange dream world. It's like a breath of home that envelopes his heart and makes it ache with a pain he thought was long gone.

Closing his eyes, Sicheng allows his body to melt in Yuta's embrace. It's been over half a year since he's seen that face, over half a year since he's seen that smile in such vivid detail. Over half a year since he's felt those lips against his own– they're dry and chapped just like he remembers and–

"Um." Sicheng says.

Yuta coughs but he's still holding Sicheng's arms. Heart racing, Sicheng swallows audibly. Yuta still hasn't said anything.

"Sorry, I–" Sicheng begins but he's cut off by another kiss. This one steals his breath away, lips pressing firmly into his own. Yuta's grip tightens on his arms and Sicheng may lose blood circulation if he grips any harder. Sicheng slowly brings his hands up to rest on Yuta's waist, marveling at the muscle underneath his palms. He draws the other man towards him, pressing his lips onto his, hard enough to bruise.

Yuta lets out a small laugh. "Not so sorry now, are we?" he breathes, sending shivers up Sicheng's spine.

Sicheng doesn't dignify a response but instead rests his head on Yuta's chest, rubbing small circles with his thumbs into his waist. He misses _this_. Well, maybe not this specifically but he misses Yuta's smile and the easy banter. "I miss you," he says when he means _I'm sorry._

"Why so glum? You saw me yesterday morning. I'm here right now." Yuta tells him. He untangles himself from Sicheng's hold and Sicheng allows himself to be guided down onto the bed. As soon as he hits the mattress his eyelids grow heavy and he drifts off into a dreamless sleep.

August 15th is a day forever seared into Sicheng's memory. Partially because of how _utterly horrendous_ it had been, since some supervillain had decided it'd be a great idea to target children crossing crosswalks with trucks going over one hundred meters per minute, and partially because of his raging hangover from the night before when Johnny and Taeyong dragged him out for drinks.

Sicheng spends the whole morning listlessly switching between different news channels. He half expects the influx of frantic texts from the office. When his phone finally does buzz, Sicheng frowns at the screen.

**youngho**: drinks tonight? ;)

**taeyong**: only after patrol

**youngho**: yes mother

**jaehyun**: wbu sicheng?? are you feeling any better

"Hey Yuta?" Sicheng says, thumb hovering over his keyboard. "What's today's date?"

"August 15th," Yuta calls from the kitchen where he's making an instant ramen lunch for them. (Sicheng's cheeks warm at the thought.) Watching the weather report, Sicheng responds to the text before putting his phone to the side.

There are two possible explanations: The first is that Sicheng died–is dying, close to death, whatever– and now he's living one of those hyper realistic dreams where he relives his entire past up until the moment he dies. The second is that somehow that green flash blasted him back into the past and is now disrupting the timeline, causing events to change.

Groaning, Sicheng flops back onto the couch. Neither of the explanations seems plausible, and there's no way to fully verify them either. A true dilemma. From what he can recall, their database never had an entry on a time-traveler or time-manipulator, only clairvoyants. He'll have to do research tomorrow, provided he doesn't have a hangover and Taeyong doesn't nag him to death about filing and updating reports. He swears, sometimes he isn't better than a glorified part-time secretary.

Warm hands massage his shoulders and Sicheng sighs, focusing on the way the tension evaporates. "Lunch is ready," Yuta grins from above him. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." He draws the other man down for a quick kiss. The twinge of guilt is quickly suppressed.

The television switches to T. Y.'s announcement for Neo City's League of Heroes from two days ago regarding the recent attack led by Mayhem and Tenlives. Behind T .Y., WinWin is seated next to Asperitas and Valentino. Behind him, Yuta stiffens.

Sicheng rubs circles into the side of Yuta's palm. "What do you think?" He hopes the nervousness isn't apparent in his voice or the way his thumb hesitates before continuing.

"About them?" Yuta scoffs with the same brazen arrogance that Sicheng fell in love with but now it stings. "I think WinWin's a bit annoying." Sicheng bites down on his objection. "They're only enforcing this cycle of corruption and poverty."

"Not all of them are like that," Sicheng murmurs. He thinks about the nights he and Jaehyun have spent patrolling the city and the injuries they've sustained from fights. He thinks about the permanent dark circles underneath Taeyong's eyes and the way his lips are stretched taught after another meeting with a client or reading the weekly reports.

"Yeah, well, they certainly aren't trying to break the system. The rich are still getting richer and the poor are only getting poorer so you tell me." Yuta's eyes are filled with a dark fury that Sicheng has never seen on him before. At least, not on him when he's dressed in plain civilian clothing.

Gripping Yuta's hand, Sicheng brings it to his lips. "I'm sorry," he says, too quiet for Yuta to hear. "We'll– I'll try harder at changing the system from within." Yuta's eyes soften at the kiss and he flashes a smile so bright that Sicheng temporarily forgets about the guilt eating him from within inside.

"You good?" Youngho asks, leaning over the rooftop far more than Sicheng is comfortable with. (When he asked Youngho why he always did that, the other man only replied with a cheeky grin.)

"Haven't been sleeping well," Sicheng replies, watching the glittering city lights.

Youngho laughs. "Rough night?" He teases. "Shouldn't you be feeling better since you finally got together with that roommate of yours that you've been in love with for years ."

At this, Sicheng frowns. It's exactly because he's gotten with said roommate that he hasn't been sleeping well. He's spent the first week back at the office digging through all their records for any lead on a time manipulator living in the city to no avail. Each night he returns home to Yuta's cuddles and kisses and yeah, maybe that part isn't _that_ bad, but knowing what he knows Sicheng is being eaten alive by the guilt. He needs to figure out what's going on and _soon_.

"_There's some disturbance on the east side of town. I need some backup._" Jaehyun's voice crackles in Sicheng's earpiece. He whips his head up and sure enough, there are the telltale explosions that the villain Donghyuck leaves wherever he goes.

"I'll go," Youngho says before Sicheng can say a word, leaping over the edge of the rooftop with practiced ease.

Sicheng groans, hitting the brick wall in frustration. He wanted to be the one to help Jaehyun because right now he needs to take his mind off this situation more than anything else. He had lept at the chance to go on a night patrol the first instance Taeyong cleared him to go. (Sicheng tries not to think about the disappointment in Yuta's eyes when he told him he'd be staying late at the police station again tonight.) Unfortunately, this week has been rather quiet, leaving him nothing to do but stew in his own thoughts during the patrols. Until now.

"I'm going to scout the city," he says, jumping off the rooftop before Taeyong can object over the connection. He needs something to do before this itch consumes him.

This high up, the wind ripples with a force threatening to blow him away. It roars past his eardrums and Sicheng is acutely aware of every breath he takes and slight turn his body makes to avoid skyscrapers. Before he was blasted back into whatever dream-past space this is, he spent countless nights flying above the city to clear his head. (It only worked half the time.) Up here, Sicheng can at least pretend to think.

To the east, in one of the richer neighborhoods, half a block is set ablaze. The scorching fires are Donghyuck’s mark on the city. The clouds in that area grow darker and heavier before rain finally falls. Sicheng lets out a deep sigh of relief as the cool air slowly moves towards him before he goes to investigate another part of the city.

It isn't until he's on his fifth loop around the city does he notice something amiss. On the southeast side of the city, roughly ten kilometers away from the Donghyuck mess, there are hints of disturbance and wreckage. Squinting, Sicheng makes out a vague silhouette jumping across rooftops.

"_There's suspicious movement ten kilometers southeast to Asperitas and Valentino. I'm going to investigate_," he says.

"_Let us know if you need backup_." Taeyong answers. 

Sicheng zips through the air towards the dark figure, the wind howling in his eardrums. Something in his gut tells him to pull back because there is something _very wrong_. The feeling only grows worse as the silhouette becomes more and more familiar. What Sicheng used to see as an obstruction to justice and disturbance to society is his best friend and roommate and more. He sees Yuta's eyes widen as Sicheng slows to a stop. The way his stomach plummets isn't just because he's landed on the roof.

Yuta's entire body tenses. There's a scowl on his face and aggressiveness that would never be directed towards Sicheng if the other could see his face. Whereas before Sicheng would have attacked Yuta with no questions asked, now he hates the fact that Yuta thinks a mask can protect him. He hates the fact that right now, the most important man in his life is hiding being the facade of the most notorious villain in Neo City. The villain– or vigilante as some people say– that steals from the rich then destroys the place, leaving a trail of mayhem behind.  
(He’s not sure if he hates himself even more for being the one to unmask and capture Mayhem.)

"I already know what you're going to say, so just forget it," Yuta says. The animosity in his voice causes Sicheng to stumble.

"Why do you do this?" He asks instead, fists trembling by his side. "You could–"

"Join you guys?" Yuta scoffs. "No thanks, I won't join a group that claims to better society when they're only hurting those that need to be helped."

Sicheng wants to ask Yuta what's so wrong with the League of Heroes that he spits on all of their names with the utmost contempt. At the very end, they all want the same thing, don't they? To help those in need and serve justice as needed. Neo City is still a long way from ridding the city of corruption and achieving the same peace that Elyxion has but the League has worked tirelessly to make the improvements they have these past few years.

_He's not wrong though_, a small voice whispers to him. Sicheng has seen the way Taeyong's jaw clenches when some rich sponsor threatens to withdraw their funding if they act a certain way. He's seen more than his fair share of absurd wealth hoarded for the few while those on the other side of the city begging for scraps. No matter what, it still hurts to know that this is what Yuta thinks of them– of him. Would he change his mind if he knew who Sicheng was?

"Yu– Mayhem, I–" Sicheng starts but he's already gone, leaving nothing more than a scent of familiar cologne in the wind and a trail of mayhem behind his wake.

When Yuta gets back home the next night, Sicheng pulls him into his chest and presses open-mouthed kisses to the crown of his head. There's a cut on his lip and bruises on his left cheek. The news report about the newest scuffle between Mayhem and one of the heroes in the League will go on the late night two o'clock news and then the eight o'clock news.

"You should be more careful," he says, turning Yuta around so he can face him. "What if something happened to you?"

Yuta averts his eyes, choosing to look down instead. "My job isn't any more dangerous than yours. Besides, who else is going to stand up for the small fries?"

Sicheng frowns. _Me_. He says with the first kiss. Yuta melts against his mouth, letting out a small sigh that causes Sicheng's stomach to knot. _Us_, he says with the second. Yuta's lips part for him at the first hint of Sicheng's tongue. Sicheng's hands move up to comb through Yuta's hair as he kisses him more deeply. He shivers when the other man touches an exposed sliver of skin at his waist. Yuta grins against his mouth, hands moving upwards in slow circles.

The next moment Sicheng is lying on his back with Yuta on top of him. His arms are on both sides of Sicheng's body, caging him in. Yuta grins at him from up above, leaning down to nuzzle his nose against Sicheng's. He peppers Sicheng's face with open-mouthed kisses, hands tickling the same sliver of exposed skin. Sicheng lets out a small puff of laughter.

"You're like a dog," he says and Yuta beams. He licks a long stripe up Sicheng's cheek that honestly is quite disgusting but somehow endearing.

If Sicheng were a better man, he'd try telling Yuta what he knows. He'd tell him that he's WinWin so there wouldn't be any more secrets. Not like last time. Sicheng may be a good man but he's not a better man and he's tired and deathly afraid. He runs his hands up and down Yuta's chest and arms, taking a moment to breathe in his scent. He swallows down his guilt by pulling Yuta down for another kiss.

Sicheng would love to say that he manages to tell Yuta his secret identity in the weeks to come but what actually ends up happening is that he just slowly becomes accustomed to the guilt churning in the pit of his stomach.

The guilt used to flare when they were sitting alone and idly watching the television, Sicheng combing his fingers through Yuta's hair– he's recently dyed it a dark red that suits him quite well– and tracing the cuts and bruises on his cheeks. (It's been over a month and Mayhem and WinWin have yet to have another fight.) One time, Sicheng tries to ignore the way he wants to puke when Yuta laughs at one of his jokes that he ends up slamming into a kid with a mushroom cut that's nothing but skin and bones. Yuta only laughed even harder and Sicheng's gut ended up twisted for a multitude of reasons that morning.

Now Sicheng is used to the way his stomach drops. When Yuta kisses his cheek before he leaves that morning, the gut-wrenching feeling is almost routine. Sicheng swallows it with practiced ease, leaning in to breathe in Yuta's cologne before he leaves.

In all honesty, this had been long overdue. The morning had started off without a hitch but Sicheng should have seen this coming from miles away. The first hint that something was wrong was when both Taeyong and Doyoung left that afternoon and didn't come back. The second was that Yuta's last text to him was from the day before. The third was the way Taeyong's lips were pressed into a thin line when he entered the office late at night, prime time for vigilantes and villains to be roaming about.

"We caught them. They're currently detained in the same block." Taeyong says. He takes off his mask and it looks like he hasn't slept for a week.

"Who?" Sicheng asks even though he already knows the answer.

"Mayhem, Donghyuck, and Vivi," Taeyong answers tersely. Behind him, Youngho's eyes stiffen and his hands curl into fists.

"We've already uncovered their identities. One of them is your roommate." Jaehyun's eyes aren't unkind but there's a hard flash of judgment that wasn't there before.

Taeyong sighs, "We'll worry about this later. Right now we need to plan on how we're going to release this news to the public tomorrow and worry about the press."

Sicheng waits but no one in the office says anything else. Youngho goes back to monitoring the screen with Jaehyun and Taeyong settles down at his desk to file a report, most likely on Mayhem's recent capture. Sicheng watches the office continue to bustle about while his whole world is set spinning. There's a ringing in his ears and his movement feel mechanical as he walks towards the cells.

"I'm," he swallows, "I'm going to see him."

Taeyong raises an eyebrow but doesn't say anything, offering a tired smile instead. Sicheng's head rings as he leaves the office. He barely remembers the walk to the cell. The only thing he knows is that in front of Yuta, his heart pounds faster than it ever has been before.

"What, here to come and–" Yuta's face twists into a complicated expression.

"Yuta," Sicheng breathes, coming up against the glass. The lights here are too bright and his head is spinning too quickly for him to get a grasp.

"Sicheng," Yuta says. "I didn't know you were part of this."

"I–" Sicheng starts then closes his mouth.

_I wasn't? I'm not?_ Neither of them entirely true. Just like last time, Sicheng has been in direct opposition to Yuta and all the other vigilantes. He's fought him time and time again, bent on beating the other man to a bloody pulp before he knew the face behind that mask. Sicheng's fingernails dig into his palms, drawing out blood. The ringing grows louder and his head is on the verge of splitting in half.

_I just want you back_, he thinks before the incessant ringing grows louder and the world spins out of control. The last thing he sees is the unreadable look in Yuta's dark eyes before a vortex of crackling pure energy consumes him.

This time Sicheng arrives in whatever time this is with a resounding crash into his living room floor. His lungs are burning like the first time he was transported. The air surrounding him suffocates him and the throbbing headache from before continues. Clutching his head, Sicheng pushes himself up. Woozy from both the lack of oxygen and crashing into the hardwood floor, it takes more than a few moments for Sicheng's vision to focus.

"Um," Yuta says, noodle sliding out of his mouth and falling onto the floor. "Hi?"

"Urgh," Sicheng groans. "What's today's date?"

"June twenty-ninth. Would you like to explain why you just fell through a mysterious green vortex and landed in the middle of our apartment?" Yuta asks.

Sicheng would love an explanation as to why he keeps getting transported to different worlds, times, pasts, _whatever_ as much as Yuta would. Unfortunately for Yuta, and even more unfortunately for him, there isn't one so Sicheng is stuck living out the same set of shitty days leading up to Yuta's inevitable capture until he figures out why he's stuck in this time loop.

Well, the last two times not telling Yuta his secret superhero identity early on was what led them to that situation in the first place. A small spark ignites in Sicheng and with a rare sense of confidence and optimism he throws all caution to the wind and opens his mouth, "The superheroes."

Yuta's eyes narrow. "Yeah, what do they have to do with this?" His shoulders tense and Sicheng has had years of experience to recognize when someone is preparing themselves for a fight. (Still, he continues.)

"I–" Sicheng pauses as Yuta's eyes search his for an answer. He swallows. "They aren't the ones responsible for this. Well, maybe not directly. But Yuta, I'm one of them. I'm WinWin."

A series of expressions flicker across Yuta's face too fast for Sicheng to track but what he manages to discern are: hatred, loathing, and confusion. His heart sinks when he no longer recognizes the look in Yuta's eyes.

"I need to leave." He crosses the living room in three quick strides, not looking back the entire time. Sicheng's protests fall on deaf ears. The slam of the door echoes throughout their cramped apartment, making it seem vast and desolate for the first time. Not for the first time, Sicheng is left alone in their apartment with nothing but his regrets to console him.

The quietness of living alone in an apartment meant for two for the second time brings unspeakable loneliness. Sicheng spends the first week jumping at every creak in the floorboards or rustle of the wind. Yuta's left his imprint on the apartment from the dirty clothes strewn across his bedroom floor to the stain on the kitchen ceiling. (There had been a Cooking Incident.)

Sicheng finds Yuta's ghosts when he wakes up in the morning and splashes water on his face. He encounters them when he sits alone on the tattered sofa. It was something they had picked up from the side of the street when they first moved in. His nights are restless and it takes him hours to fall asleep only for him to jolt awake minutes later. He begins to spend more time at the office and takes on more patrols and shifts just so he can avoid stepping foot in his own apartment.

"You look like shit," Youngho says when he comes in one night, slamming a box of takeout in front of Sicheng.

"Thanks," he grimaces.

"No, not like shit but like _shit_," Youngho says. Always direct and blunt with his friends, Sicheng finds Youngho's forwardness grating tonight. Combined with the overwhelming smell of fried chicken makes it the annoyance bubbling up exceedingly difficult to repress.

"Hey," Youngho says softly when Sicheng doesn't touch the takeout. "You know if anything is wrong we're here for you, right? We've got your back."

Sicheng opens his mouth then closes it. "I've had trouble sleeping lately since my roommate has moved out," he admits.

"You could stay at my place," Youngho offers, "We have an extra futon. The springs kind of dig into your spine sometimes but it's a place to sleep. If you want to of course."

Sicheng thinks about his sleepless nights and the way ghosts haunt him at every turn. He doesn't think he can bear to withstand this a second time.

"I'd like to," he says and Youngho beams.

"Well, to celebrate becoming new temporary roommates, this means we have to go out for drinks. Hey, Jaehyun, Doyoung, we're going out for drinks after patrol," Youngho laughs, pulling Sicheng towards him in a loose hug. The contact makes his skin crawl but this time Sicheng doesn't protest.

That night, Sicheng allows Youngho to drag him out to the bar on the end of the street after patrol. He downs one, two, _what number was he on again?_ shots at Jaehyun and Doyoung's combined shouts and screams. Afterward, they walk to the nearest McDonalds in a manner unbefitting of Neo City's protectors and order obscene amounts of chicken nuggets and french fries. He spends a minute too long staring blankly at the different soda labels in front of him as he attempts to get a refill. Eventually, the young teen with eyes too wide and too innocent manning the counter sighs in exasperation and comes over to refill his soda for him. Sicheng gives him a slow smile before trudging back towards the table where Youngho's most likely fallen asleep.

When Sicheng finally collapses on Youngho's lumpy futon he drifts off into the first dreamless sleep he's had in weeks.

It'll be the only time he sleeps well in this timeline because the very next week he's forced to fight Mayhem in the first all-out battle since he's arrived. While they fight, all Sicheng can see is the fury and hatred and questioning behind May– Yuta's eyes. When they finally defeat Mayhem and the other vigilantes, and lifetimes ago this would have made Sicheng so _happy_ but now all he feels is grief, they unmask them on the spot. Yuta's face full of betrayal and devastation sears itself in Sicheng's memory as he pulls off his mask for the second time.

This time, Sicheng thinks when he wakes up for the third time on the same day, futilely wheezing in an attempt to breathe in oxygen that won't assimilate in his lungs, _this time_ he'll get it right.

When the world around him finally steadies and Sicheng's lungs have acclimated to this air in this timeline, he races back to his apartment. (He's still not sure what these repeated days are. Are they alternate universes or is he destined to relive the same days over and over and over until he's weighed down with grief and regret?)

This time, this time he's not going to repeat the same mistakes. This time, Sicheng reveals his secret identity to Yuta the first chance he gets. This time, he jumps up to grab Yuta's wrist, pulling him back in so he doesn't lose the him for a third time.

"What are we going to do?" Yuta sighs into Sicheng's hair later, after life-or-death secrets have been revealed and burdens were shed.

"Don't know," Sicheng replies.

Like this, with Yuta's arms wrapped around his chest and his heart beating against Sicheng's own, he feels grounded. Yuta's breath fans his cheek and his hair tickles Sicheng's neck. It's the guiltless intimacy they've never had the chance at. Sicheng breathes in Yuta's cologne, closing his eyes and allowing Yuta's steady heartbeat to lull him into a false sense of peace.

A thousand things still remain unspoken between them. They're two of the most high profile superpowered human beings working for two adversarial organizations. Neither of them can just quit their jobs and walk away. Neither of them is willing to walk away from defending what they believe in. These are thoughts that weigh down on Sicheng's mind as Yuta rubs circles into his palm.

"You stink," he murmurs, wishing he could hold onto this moment forever.

This time, this time he'll get it right.

With bated breath, they tiptoe through the next few weeks. It's been weeks since WinWin has fought Mayhem, Sicheng purposefully avoiding the areas the other frequents. It becomes a habit to check his phone to see where Yuta is or where he's planning to be or just to make sure he's okay and hasn't been captured by one of Sicheng's well-meaning coworkers. It's like he has another skin to wear in addition to being WinWin and having time-traveled.

Only back at the apartment does Sicheng dare to peel off these layers. The place that was once haunted to him becomes a solace in this timeline. Only here can he breathe, kiss Yuta until they're both panting for breath. Only here does he feel like _Sicheng_.

"What are we going to do?" Sicheng asks between kisses. He has Yuta pressed against the kitchen counter, fingers hooked in Yuta's belt loops. Yuta sighs into his mouth, eyes fluttering as Sicheng kisses the juncture between his jaw and neck.

"We could keep doing this," Yuta grins, smile razor sharp.

Sicheng shivers underneath his gaze. "We can't keep going on like this," he whispers, "Not forever."

They've managed a precarious balance so far but the scales could tip at any moment. Sicheng has been leaving Youngho to deal with Mayhem's attacks or oh so conveniently been off-duty when he does strike but there are only so many times he can do this before people ask questions. He can see the half-formed question on Youngho's lips whenever he asks him to cover Mayhem in the field. Luckily, Youngho's good enough of a friend that he doesn't press.

Each time Sicheng has jumped back in time, he jumps back on the same day. The timer started as soon as he landed and it continues to tick away, a bomb waiting to explode. Sicheng dreads the day when he'll be forced to face Mayhem–Yuta– out on the battlefield.

"Hey, we'll cross that bridge when we get there, okay?" Yuta tilts Sicheng's chin up, forcing him to meet the other man's gaze. Yuta leans down to capture his lips. The kiss is soft and chaste, lasting for a few moments. Sicheng leans into Yuta's chest, pressing him even harder up against the counter. Maybe just for now, Sicheng won't worry about the future.

"Sicheng," Taeyong says one morning. Sicheng's eyes flicker up from the report he was reading.

Taeyong was the one who personally recruited Sicheng into joining when he saw that something else was going on when Sicheng went flying during that one flip at a dance competition. He helped Sicheng train and introduced him to Doyoung and Jaehyun, always taking care to make sure that the newbie was included. On someone's birthday, Taeyong always brings a batch of homemade cookies. When someone is having a rough week, he brings some of the best homemade food that they've ever tasted. Never once has Sicheng been afraid of Taeyong, but this time the stormy look in his eyes makes Sicheng's blood freeze.

"I need to discuss a few things with you regarding your recent behavior and the fight last night," Taeyong says in that soft but domineering way of his.

Mechanically, Sicheng follows Taeyong into his office.

Sicheng has spent years working in the League of Heroes, fighting crime and promoting justice. He's spent years upholding their beliefs and risking his life. It takes mere minutes for him to be kicked out.

When Yuta comes home, it's to a bleary, red-eyed Sicheng sitting on the couch hugging his knees. He doesn't remember the walk back to the apartment or what happened after he left Taeyong's office. All he knows is that right now, Yuta's arms are wrapped around him.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, alright?" Yuta murmurs into his hair and all Sicheng can do is nod. "At least this way we don't have to fight each other on the battlefield." He pokes Sicheng's cheek but his laugh grates on Sicheng's ear.

Sicheng snorts, burrowing himself further into Yuta's embrace. Small mercies, he supposes.

These are the things Sicheng learns:

1\. He's stuck in a time loop living the same two months over and over again; from his last major scuffle with Yuta, as WinWin, to the day Yuta gets sent to Elyxion. This will be the fifty-second time he goes back in time.  
2\. He's the only one that retains his memories from the original timeline and across all the timelines.  
3\. There's a kid he keeps meeting, a scrawny and tall kid he never met in the original timeline. Whenever Sicheng bumps into him, the mysterious vortex of green shows up soon afterwards and he’s transported to another timeline.

And these are the things Sicheng knows:

1\. Yuta's smile is bright and beautiful in every timeline.  
2\. Separating from Yuta hurts no matter how many times it's happened before.  
3\. Each timeline gets harder to live through than the last. He needs to find a way to break out before he loses himself.

Yuta's head rests in his lap and he's humming a nameless tune as Sicheng's curls his fingers in the other man's hair. A soft rumble escapes Yuta's lips and he looks up to meet Sicheng's eyes. Sicheng smiles as he runs his thumb across the dark shadows underneath Yuta's eyes. This time, things have gone well. He didn’t delay revealing his identity for weeks so he has at least a month or two to figure things out. Hopefully.

"You're like a dog," Sicheng bites back a laugh, "Can't stay still for a moment."

"And you're like an angel," Yuta counters, "Protector–"

Sicheng shuts him up with a kiss. Embarrassment rises in his chest and he knows his cheeks are red and hot but there's also an overwhelming amount of affection residing within him. Yuta slips his tongue inside his mouth, turning the kiss into something more urgent. By the time they part, they're both panting. Much to Sicheng's annoyance, Yuta has a satisfied smirk on his face.

"How did you join?" Sicheng asks.

"I stole the business card and number off of Vivi and followed her to their meeting." Yuta grins and Sicheng scoffs. "Then...Kun did some background checks and I made the cut. We had the same beliefs and he also helped me pay off some of my student debt."

"I'm sorry," Sicheng says, running his hands through Yuta's hair. He was never good with words and hopes his actions can convey his emotions better than he possibly could. Never has he been able to ask Yuta what led him to join or why he feels so strongly about what he does.

Yuta shrugs nonchalantly but his grip on Sicheng's other hand tightens. "What about you? How did you start?"

"T. Y. recruited me when he saw me accidentally fly during a dance competition. I always wanted to put my powers to use and things fell in place after that."

"Are you telling me that I didn't know you were WinWin for years just because I was sick that one time and missed your dance competition?" Yuta groans.

"Maybe," Sicheng answers.

"I always thought WinWin fought a bit too gracefully," Yuta admits.

And there it is again, the surge of affection that fills Sicheng from head to toe. His heart aches and his whole body hurts. Yuta meets his gaze and his face softens. Sicheng thinks of the thousands of words he wanted to speak the first time but never had the courage or time to say. He thinks of the thousands of other words he hasn't been able to say across all the other timelines and all the words he wants to say now.

"Yuta," He swallows the lump in his throat, "I–"

The next words are swallowed by a loud crack that causes both of their ears to ring. In the center of the living room, there's a swirling vortex of pure green energy that Sicheng has grown to dread. It pulsates with energy, occasionally spitting out small bursts as it grows larger and larger.

Cold sweat forms on the back of Sicheng's neck. "No," he says. No, this can't be happening. It's much too early and he hasn't even met the boy yet and–

"Sicheng," Yuta's voice is faint above the roaring vortex. He's sitting up beside Sicheng, gripping Sicheng's face with firm hands to force Sicheng to look into his eyes. "It'll be okay."

"There are so many things I still don't know about the time-traveling," Sicheng says hoarsely.

"It's okay, we'll figure it out." Yuta presses his forehead against Sicheng's, covering his mouth in a kiss. "You’ll figure it out. I'm sure the me in whatever place you end up in will also help you. After all, it’s me we're talking about.”

Chunks of drywall from the ceiling crumble and fall down. The green light grows even brighter and the roaring grows even louder. Sicheng places his hands on top of Yuta's, gripping them like a lifeline.

"I don't want to leave you yet," Sicheng admits weakly. The last thing he sees before the green light blinds them is the smile on Yuta's face.

Sicheng awakes to a dark sky and gigantic, gloomy clouds looming in the distance. It's the same sky he left. For the first time in a long time, his lungs don't need to fight to breathe. However, the pain of all the injuries he had before slam back into his body with full force. Sicheng rolls over and hunches over the ground, coughing up blood.

"WinWin!" Youngho shouts and Sicheng is being pulled into his arms. The shift causes him to hiss in pain. His entire chest is covered in deep scratches, red liquid slowly oozing out. These weren't here when he left. It's difficult for him to figure out what exactly is going on but there's the distinct lack of fighting and clashing in the background.

"What's going on?" He asks.

"One of them is a time manipulator," Taeyong tells him but he's no longer speaking through Sicheng's earpiece. Rather, he's standing in front of Sicheng, fully suited, with his fists clenched by his side.

"You vanished into thin air after that green blast." Youngho's voice shakes. "We didn't know where you went."

"We negotiated," Taeyong says, jaw tense. Sicheng follows his gaze to Tenlives who's currently perched on the side of the building, a large smirk on his face. He spins a pair of handcuffs on his fingers, humming a small tune.

Next to him a skinny, lanky boy. Tufts of ash blond hair frame a face that Sicheng has never examined closely. It's the same boy he's bumped into time and time again. Next to Tenlives he seems out of place. He fidgets, shifting his weight from foot to foot as his eyes flicker between everyone else. There's no way he'd last more than half a minute in a fight with Sicheng. No wonder he didn't come out until the very end.

"You guys got your precious poster boy back. It's time for us to take our leave." Tenlives grins, hopping off the ledge to the young boy. Even though Sicheng is bleeding out in Youngho's arms, he still doesn't miss the way the vigilante limps.

Large creaking and crunching of metal sounds in the air. The mailbox on the street soars through the air, landing right in front of Tenlives.

"You guys haven't upheld your part yet," Taeyong warns and the handcuffs clip themselves around Tenlives' wrists. The vigilante scowls.

"We brought him back. What else do you want?" he snarls.

"How do we know he won't get sucked back into the time loop?" Youngho demands. "Who's going to get him back out then."

Tenlives hisses, "Leave Kairos out of it. He's just a kid."

"You guys shouldn't have dragged him into this in the first place then," Taeyong reprimands.

Kairos glances at Sicheng with sorrow beyond his years. He places his hand on top of Sicheng's. "I'm sorry, I can't control my powers that well yet. I didn't mean to do that to you." Kairos' head drops as he squeezes Sicheng's hand. It's an innocent and naive gesture that Sicheng hasn't seen in years. After fighting so long, he's forgotten what it was like to be bright-eyed and hopeful, feeling the pain of all those around him regardless of whether or not they were on the same side.

"It's fine," Sicheng grimaces as he shifts to get a better look at the kid, "What exactly can you do?"

"He sends people back in time to relive their greatest regret," Tenlives says.

Sicheng lets out a small laugh. Beside him, Youngho and Taeyong bristle.

"I don't determine how many alternate timelines a person lives out," Kairos says quietly and what Sicheng hears is another _I'm sorry_. "Timestreams are continuous and always changing. It's difficult enough to disrupt them again to pull someone out. Your best bet for not getting sucked into another timeline is to let go of whatever's been holding you back." He cocks his head as he looks Sicheng the same way one would examine a specimen under a microscope. There's something about the way he does so that hints at a heavy burden, a weight someone that young shouldn't ever have to know.

"You guys seriously brought a kid who doesn't have full control of his powers to battle?" Taeyong demands. His fists curl up even tighter and his whole body shakes. The clouds above them rumble and debris near them begin to float up.

"Yeah, what else are we supposed to do? Let the rich and corrupt control everything? Neo City is rotten from the inside and we're the ones who are actually _helping_ this city." Tenlives snarls. His chest heaves and his eyes blaze with righteous fury.

"I'm not actually a kid,” Kairos says meekly, ”I'm starting university in two years."

Sicheng closes his eyes, allowing the pain finally envelope his body. "Youngho," he rasps, tugging on the man's sleeve. In an instant, Taeyong and Youngho's attention is focused back on him and his injuries.

"Let's go," Taeyong says, pinching the bridge of his nose the same way he does in the office. "We're done here."

The three of them leave Tenlives and Kairos on the rooftop. Waves of exhaustion roll over him and Sicheng allows the steady cadence of Youngho's walk to calm his mind. For the first time in a long time, he feels at peace. As they walk away Sicheng feels a pair of inquisitive eyes boring into the back of his head.

He doesn't look back.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ the kid/kairos is jisung  
\+ [asperitus](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperitas_\(cloud\)) is a type of cloud. originally in this fic johnny's powers were to control the weather/lightning and create clones of himself...i was legitimately considering c's suggested superhero name for him, The Weathermen  
\+ did you catch the august 15th ref??  
\+ to my recipient thank you again for giving me the chance to remix such a great fic!! i hope you enjoyed


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